101 Insane, Crazy and Secretive Beliefs of Mormons


The Age of Blasphemy

   by the Mormon Zombie
101 Nonpublic or Weird Beliefs of Mormons

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This post is less about what the LDS church teaches publicly or in writing, and more about what is often not publicly admitted to, whether still believed or not, and about some of the crazier things Mormons come to believe when embedded in Mormon culture.  Though not categorized, some of these are doctrinal, others hearsay over the pulpit from apostles or leaders, and others adopted by more orthodox Mormons.

1.         Polygamy is still doctrinal in heaven and included in LDS scripture.  See D&C 132

2.         Sports should not be played on Sunday

3.         TV or movies should not be viewed on Sunday (except Church or “happy” media)

4.         Children should not be allowed to play with friends on Sunday

5.        …

View original post 2,489 more words

Joseph Smith: The Self-Shysted Shyster


Joseph Smith: The Self-Shysted Shyster

Daniel June

What sort of man was Joseph Smith? The type to establish a world religion, clearly, but how much does that tell us? It takes a mere spark to blast a keg, after all, but sometimes the wick can be fickle, and waits for just the right spark. After all, there were hundreds of upstart sects and self-styled prophets in New England at the time, and especially in Smith’s hometown which was within the “burned over district,” where many revivals and sects had roused the people again and again. This is not unlike the stories of Jesus, who was merely one of many miracle workers at his time, merely one of many self-styled messiahs of the time, and many of the stories and sayings of the gospels seem to be absorbed from the urban myths regarding the wide group of itinerate preachers. Statistically, that one of the prophets caught on seems inevitable. But what is the nature of that one?

Smith had an idea, he calls its source “God.” Demythologized, this is the same source as all artists and poets—Walt Whitman claimed the Holy Spirit had inspired his own “New Bible,” the Leaves of Grass, and we need not by any means be a student of literature to see his writings are more inspired than Joseph’s. But Whitman’s new religion affirmed all world religions, whereas Joseph’s denied each and everyone one—every last sect of Christianity as “the Church of Satan.”

What was his basic idea, and where is it now? Perhaps it was lost? After all, an idea may develop into its opposite. Kellogg, when he invented corn flakes, like Graham with his crackers, intended to invent a food so bland and boring that it would dull all excitement, especially the sexual, and especially the masturbatory. The latest children’s cartoon, however, features a cartoon “cuckoo bird” who for lust of Cocoa Puff’s cereal explodes into a “coo-coo” frenzy to get his chocolate fix. In the same way, many defend Jesus against those who act in his name, listing, perhaps, the Catholic Church as the ostensible opposite of everything the man taught.

Is Smith an equally sympathetic character? His religious story began when he was perplexed about which of the competing sects in his neighborhood was the true one, and how to make sense of it all. Unconsciously, Smith wanted a short cut, a simple answer, no need for study or critical thinking. “They’re all wrong” the voice naturally tells him, and what a relief! He could instead use hunches and warm feelings to settle all theological disputes and package his conclusions as indisputable revelations. His Book of Mormon—a purported translation of ancient Jewish-American scriptures—therefore solves not only theological issues that could plausibly be ancient, but issues of his own day.

His revelations were sometimes revelations of convenience, making his personal whim unchallengeable, nor was God above weighing in on his domestic spats—to Joseph’s favor, naturally—and for this his wife would make fun of him.

After all the hoopla that comes later, the propaganda about angels and visitations and such, when his feeling of certainty after his prayer about which sect was correct got rewritten as a dazzling visitation of God the Father and God the Son, what are the ideas, anyway, that would be divine? This, to any intelligent person, is what really matters, not the incredible framework it is placed within. Smith’s basic ideas is the sacredness of family. Such an overpowering emphasis could only inspire the founding of a religion at a time of family disintegration. The patriarchal family is the symbol of heaven, and LDS teaching on the matter will be a valuable voice even for us as our cultural battles roil on.

Smith, the teenage shyster who used seers’ stones to find buried treasure—a bit of hooliganism popular enough at the time to make laws to keep such people from fleecing the public, and for which Smith himself was convicted—would later, by the same method, discover “gold plates,” which like the ark of the covenant, have mysteriously disappeared, but unlike the ark of the covenant probably never existed at all. These would be used to translate the most unliterary document I have ever read: the Book of Mormon. And just like L. Ron Hubbard, would write hundreds of sci-fi novels until one day he believed that he wasn’t making fiction but writing true galactic history, Joseph also began to believe his own stories, and the Shyster shysted himself.

The religion is a great comfort for true believers. They are communal, their symbol is the honey hive. You’re either all the way in or all the way out—hivemind—and it doesn’t matter if you understand, but it does matter if you obey. Your salvation depends on it.

Unlike other religions, there is little in Mormonism that could tempt an intelligent person to convert—though Buddhism and Taoism impress even highly critical and skeptical minds. Unfortunately, the scriptures—The Book of Mormon, The Doctrines and Covenants, The Pearl of Great Price—are so poorly written that its painful to force yourself to read them, though a nonbeliever may enjoy large portions of the Bible, the Upanishads, and the Tao Te Jing. One searches in vain for an original trope in The Doctrines and Covenant, anything aside from the endless mixed up quotes from the King James Bible. Tropes and figures are pulled seemingly at random from the Old and New Testament, and this passes as “The Word of God” for a world already saturated in that literature. New “revelations” are spoken as if God scissored and collaged his old material before he whispered them to Smith. Yet like Muhammad, Smith will scoff at the skeptics, saying, “If you think I’m just making it up, try writing one of these revelations yourself,” but unlike Muhammad, he had no right for such a Poet’s arrogance.

The basic idea of Mormonism, the symbol of heaven, is the family. Therefore, the basic ethic, naturally enough, is husbandry, or in a wider sense, industry. Indeed, outside their temple they have sculptures of bee’s hives with the word “industry” written on them. In The Doctrines and Covenants 107, after detailing the proposed structure of the church, Smith ends saying, “Let every man learn his duty and act in the office in which he is appointed in all diligence. He that is slothful shall not be counted worthy to stand, and he that learns not his duty and shows himself not approved shall not be counted worthy to stand.” In other words, aside from apostasy, and aside from refusing to have a large family, the biggest Mormon sin is laziness.

About the large families, it does come as a great pressure for each young Mormon to prepare, first of all, for his necessary two year missionary trip (the missionary field being mostly American Christian neighborhoods), and then after that getting married in a celestial marriage (redefined from being what it once was, a plural marriage, to the now in-fashion, regular marriage of one man to one wife, and meaning, more or less, that its not death till you part, but never shall you part). The highest heaven is reserved only for those who have been “celestially married” and have large families. A bachelor by nature is dispicccable, and the homosexual Mormon, if he persists, will soon be excommunicated.

Sincere, convicted, stupid—this trademark look of the nineteen-year-old Mormon missionaries can equally be found in true believers everywhere, and they look a lot like evangelical Christians. Watching videos about Mormons and ex-Mormons, it is easy to spot the ex-Mormon even before he has been introduced. There is a look of intelligence to his eyes, you can tell you are looking at somebody with intellectual integrity and perhaps a bit of a mental edge lacking in the Mormon counterpart.

So the sell-job we get from the Mormons—I let a couple of these lads visit me and make many subsequent visits—asks you not to think about the claims The Book of Mormon makes, whether it is historical, but to ask God in your heart if its true. This little bit of hypnotic shamanism didn’t work for me. I quickly read as much as I could in the book and prayed and not only felt from myself, a certain judge, but was also told by the higher power that this stuff was not inspired. At least not more than popular fiction.

As for the plates, the angels, all that stuff, we are back to the same sell-jobs Christians make. We have faith because God revealed his word in miracles, and you know that the miracles really happened if you have faith. But why these miracles? Regarding miracles, the question isn’t “If God can do anything why couldn’t he also do this? (swallow his prophets into large fish, allow talking snakes possessed by the devil into paradise, make a human sacrifice only to reverse it three days later, etc.),” but the more apt question is “If God can do anything, why wouldhe do this?” The stories are, after all, absurd. God can do anything, write on the moon, write the gospel in the stars, give every person the same dream when they turn thirteen, whatever. Why did he hide a scripture in a hill and then evaporate it again after it was translated? Why not just inspire him to write what was on it in the first place? The answer is that the story about golden plates is fun, it is more interesting then the story that God inspired Joseph of an ancient scripture. But that’s a pretty shabby miracle compared to the stuff we hear in the New Testament, although that stuff is a lot more absurd (God’s faked death, his casting out of spirits into pigs, the healing of a few local diseases rather than disease itself, walking on water). If God can do anything, why these quiet miracles, done in a small corner of the world, witnessed by incredulous fisherman, and reported a few generations later by anonymous sources? To escape some of the damage that this question could cause, Paul, ever clever in his cynicism, claims that God performs such foolish miracles precisely to hurt our pride, to insult our intelligence, to mock our wisdom. It seems that God, like Paul, finds human philosophy intimidating enough to sneer at it, to attack it, that he regards human wisdom as wrong, bad, evil. Well having wisdom does save a man from believing nonsense, so Paul knew his enemy.

The incredible story of a criminally convicted shyster convincing his parents and friends that he is a living prophet seems to be explained by Smith’s well-documented charisma. People liked him as they like con men, trusted him as they trust tricksters, but more than that, and this is a key difference, Smith managed to con himself, and most of the others are not able to do that.

Mitt Romney’s Insane Mormon Apocalypse Rant Caught on Video | In Mormon Prophecy Jesus To Rule the World From Missouri


Mitt Romney rants about his Mormon faith during a commercial break of radio interview (VIDEO)

Watch Mitt Romney Explain How Jesus Will Reign for 1,000 Years When He Returns, in Jerusalem. and Missouri.

Doubtless, all the Jews that aren’t killed off by then, have converted to Mormonism!

Video emerges of Romney citing the thinking of a wildly fringe conspiracy theorist and his belief in the strange intricacies of the Mormon faith.

Watch Mitt Romney get in a heated exchange with a radio host from a radio interview in 2008 about where Jesus will reign and rule over the Earth for 1,000 years — in Jerusalem and Missouri. Romney displays deep familiarity with the thinking of a Mormon hermit-conspiracy theorist Cleon Skousen, who was also Glenn Beck’s great inspiration .

 

Mitt Romney rants about his Mormon faith during a commercial break of radio interview (VIDEO)

In a radio interview Governor Mitt Romney got irate while talking about his Mormon faith. The radio host made the interview into a religious interview and Mitt Romney became upset.

Mitt Romney began ranting about Mormonism during a commercial break during a radio interview with Richard Dawkins before walking out of the studio.

Do you feel as though the radio host pushed him overboard or could Mitt Romney have handled the situation any different?

Top 10 Embarrassments of the Mormon Cult


Top 10 Embarrassments of the Mormon Religion
by Zabrina

Mormonism is a religion less than two centuries old, but in this short time it has managed to accrue a long list of embarrassments which the church leaders would prefer were kept silent. These embarrassments range from textual inaccuracies to scandals in the life of the founder, Joseph Smith. Of all religions, it’s difficult to believe this one has caught on given the long list of embarrassments that follows!

10

False Book
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Embarrassment: Book of Abraham

The Book of Abraham, one of the central texts of Mormonism, is a poor translation of Egyptian papyri. Fragments of the original text were found and studied by renowned historians with credentials and experience. These experts discovered the fragments to be scraps of funeral spells used to help spirits move on to the afterlife. There were no resemblances between the text and the supposedly divinely-inspired translation that Smith invented. As well as the mainstream Mormon church, other related churches, such as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, still believe it to be a canon work that represents the will of God. Apologists for the Book claim that modern Egyptologists are simply translating the text wrong – basically meaning that Joseph Smith is the only human to have lived who understood Egyptian hieroglyphics correctly (aside from the Egyptians themselves of course).

9

Martyr or Coward?

Carthage-Jail-Gun

Embarrassment: Smith’s death – suicide, heroic, or somewhere in between?

Some say that Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, fought back bravely against attackers, but others believe he committed suicide by jumping out of a window. A few things are certain – he shot and was shot, and at some point, fell out of a window. He used a smuggled pistol to shoot at a mob and did not die a martyr’s death in any case, as is claimed by many Mormons. There is quite a stark contrast between Christian martyrs who – in virtually every case – trusted God enough to welcome their death and Joseph Smith who so lacked belief in his own “religion” that he was terrified of dying.

8

Missing History
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Embarrassment: No archaeological evidence

The claims made by the Book of Mormon mention specific tools, technologies, crops, and animals that simply didn’t exist in those regions at the times stated. For example, horses, cattle, sheep, and swine weren’t roaming between 2500 BC and 400 AD, as claimed. Most of these species were introduced in 1493 by Christopher Columbus. Similarly, barley and wheat weren’t grown, iron and steel weren’t being produced, and systems of weight and measurement such as the Mormons claim existed simply aren’t supported by archaeological evidence.

7

Plagiarism

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Embarrassment: Plagiarism of the King James Bible

There are specific quotes in the Book of Mormon that are found in the King James Bible and other modern works that Joseph Smith had access to. For example, Alma 5:52 is identical almost word-for-word to Matthew 3:10. Smith plagiarized 478 verses from the book of Isaiah, and 201 are identical to the King James Bible. If this book were truly divinely inspired, it wouldn’t have been pieced together from pieces of the books that Smith read!

6

Mormon Underwear
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Embarrassment: Magical underpants

The temple garments worn by Mormons supposedly provide protection against temptation and sins. They are even credited with saving people’s lives during natural disasters in Mormon urban legends, which is ridiculous to most people without supernatural beliefs in magical clothes. They are seen as sacred and cannot be removed unless absolutely necessary, but then should be put on again as soon as possible. One wonders whether Mitt Romney’s underwear is “Mormon-approved.”

5
Polygamy
Polygamy1

Embarrassment: Polygamy – now it’s valid, now it isn’t?

The first forty years of Mormonism involved plural marriage, a form of harem-keeping by men who were taught by Joseph Smith that it was a doctrine worth following. Smith then proceeded to marry half a dozen women in 1843, yet he denied to the public that he practiced this polygamy. He had at least forty wives in his lifetime, some of whom were thirteen years old, and Brigham Young had fifty wives. Now, the modern view is that polygamy is unacceptable, which seems to be a revelation brought about by the illegality of polygamy. The Mormon god can has changed his mind, it seems!

4

Lost Text
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Embarrassment: First translation mysteriously lost

The Book of Mormon, when first translated, was given to a friend who supposedly lost them. Joseph Smith should have been able to retranslate them from his “golden tablets” – the original source of this book – and yet he found an excuse to avoid this. He said that they were not allowed to be in the Book of Mormon anymore, clearly because if the original were to be found and compared with the new translation, the inconsistencies in the text he made up would be discovered. Pictured above are seven lines that Smith claimed he copied directly from the mysterious (and missing) golden tablets on which he said the Book of Mormon was written.

3

False Witnesses

8Witnesses

Embarrassment: Witnesses were excommunicated

Two groups of witnesses supposedly saw the translation of the Book of Mormon, yet they were all excommunicated after disagreements with Smith. It seems the first group of three witnesses found it too much of a hoax to stay in the church after witnessing this, so a second group needed to be found. These eight men signed statements claiming to have seen and handled the golden plates, though it was later revealed that they hadn’t actually done so. In other words, Smith forced them to lie about seeing the plates.

2

Stolen Rituals

Embarrassment: Stolen temple rituals

Symbols and rituals for Mormon temples were stolen from Freemasonry. Some of these rituals include the symbols on the “magic underpants” worn by Mormons, a secret handshake that Freemasons exchange somehow becoming the handshake people must give angels in order to enter the highest heavenly kingdom, and more. Joseph Smith was expelled from the Freemasons for this theft, though he still tried to appeal to the Masons in the mob that came to kill him by giving the first words of a Mason signal of distress, abandoning his created faith in his last moments.

1

Slaughter of Innocents

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Embarrassment: Mountain Meadows Massacre

In the Mountain Meadows Massacre of 1857, a gang of Mormons banded up to attack a wagon train of families from Arkansas on their way to California. The aggressors pretended to be Native Americans so they could achieve a political goal, and when they feared discovery by the victims, murdered about 120 men, women, and children over the age of seven in order to avoid leaving witnesses to testify as to who was really behind the attacks.

These embarrassments add up to a damning conclusion: Joseph Smith managed to string along his followers for decades, and even today, churches and communities exist that believe these ridiculous fantasies. The embarrassments listed above are just the beginning for the Mormon community, who would just as soon explain away each reason to doubt their deeply-held convictions – a sad state of affairs for any logical human being.

The Second Coming of Mohammed, Mormon Founders Dream | Christopher Hitchen’s Reveals Mormon Origins


“I Will Be a Second Mohammed” – Mormon Founder, Joseph Smith

From left to right: Joseph Smith, Buddha, Jesus, and Mohammed

Hitchens on Mormons Part 1 of 2

Truth is my god. The only path to truth is evidence (convincing and sufficient evidence). Faith is not a path to truth as people have demonstrated by having had faith in many fraudulent persons and schemes throughout history. Divine revelation is not a path to truth as is proven by the incompatible revelations found in today’s competing human religions – they simply cannot all be true. Indeed the only real path to truth ever known to humanity is sufficient and convincing evidence.

Hitchens on Mormons Part 2 of 2

From the chapter entitled ‘Lowly Stamp of Their Origin — Religion’s Corrupt Beginnings’ of his book God is Not Great, Hitchens explains the origins of the Smith Cult.

“I Will Be a Second Mohammed” – Mormon Founder, Joseph Smith

 In the heat of the Missouri “Mormon War” of 1838, Joseph Smith made the following claim, “I will be to this generation a second Mohammed” “So shall it eventually be with us—‘Joseph Smith or the Sword!’ ”[1]

[1] Joseph Smith made this statement at the conclusion of a speech in the public square at Far West, Missouri on October 14, 1838. This particular quote is documented in Fawn M. Brodie, No Man Knows My History, second edition, (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1971), p. 230–231. Fawn Brodie’s footnote regarding this speech contains valuable information, and follows. “Except where noted, all the details of this chapter [16] are taken from the History of the [Mormon] Church. This speech, however, was not recorded there, and the report given here is based upon the accounts of seven men. See the affidavits of T.B. Marsh, Orson Hyde, George M. Hinkle, John Corrill, W.W. Phelps, Samson Avard, and Reed Peck in Correspondence, Orders, etc., pp. 57–9, 97–129. The Marsh and Hyde account, which was made on October 24, is particularly important. Part of it was reproduced in History of the [Mormon] Church, Vol. III, p. 167. See also the Peck manuscript, p. 80. Joseph himself barely mentioned the speech in his history; see Vol. III, p. 162.”

Similarities between Muslims and Mormons

Thomas S. Monson, the current “Prophet” of the LDS Church

Other similarities between Islam and Mormonism include, but are not limited to:

  • A founding prophet who received visits from an angel, leading to revelation of a book of scripture;
  • An emphasis upon family, and the family unit as the foundation for religious life and the transmission of values;
  • Insistence that their religion is a complete way of life, meant to directly influence every facet of existence;
  • A belief that theirs constitutes the one and only completely true religion on the earth today;
  • Belief that good deeds are required for salvation just as much as faith;
  • Assertions that modern Christianity does not conform to the original religion taught by Jesus Christ;
  • Belief that the text of the Bible, as presently constituted, has been adulterated from its original form;
  • Rejection of the Christian doctrines of Original Sin and the Trinity;
  • Strong emphasis upon education, both in the secular and religious arenas;
  • Belief in fasting during specified periods of time;
  • Incorporation of a sacred ritual of ablution, though each religion’s rite differs in form, frequency and purpose;
  • Belief that their faith represents the genuine, original religion of Adam, and of all true prophets thereafter;
  • Prohibition of alcoholic beverages, gambling, and homosexual and bisexual practices;
  • Belief that one’s marriage can potentially continue into the next life, if one is faithful to the religion;
  • Belief in varying degrees of reward and punishment in the hereafter, depending upon one’s performance in this life;
  • Special reverence for, though not worship of, their founding prophet;
  • Emphasis upon charitable giving, and helping the downtrodden;
  • An active interest in proselytizing nonbelievers;
  • Strong emphasis upon chastity, including modesty in dress; and
  • A clergy drawn from the laity, without necessarily requiring collegiate or seminary training.
  • A division of the religion into a minimum of two parties after the death of the founding prophet, with one party claiming that leadership should continue through the prophet’s descendents, and the other party rejecting this idea

Never-Before-Seen Footage of Secret Mormon Temple Rituals


Never-Before-Seen Footage of Secret Mormon Temple Rituals

For the first time in the 170+ year history of secret Mormon temple activity, those activities have been captured on film with a hidden camera.

Watch with your own eyes the sworn oath, known as the “Law of Consecration,” that US Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has raised his arm to the square and vowed to obey, an oath that requires faithful Mormons to consecrate 100% of their current AND FUTURE time, talents and everything they will ever be blessed with, to the Mormon church and it’s goal to achieve a worldwide theocracy headed by Mormons

 

101 Insane, Crazy and Secretive Beliefs of Mormons


   by the Mormon Zombie
101 Nonpublic or Weird Beliefs of Mormons

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This post is less about what the LDS church teaches publicly or in writing, and more about what is often not publicly admitted to, whether still believed or not, and about some of the crazier things Mormons come to believe when embedded in Mormon culture.  Though not categorized, some of these are doctrinal, others hearsay over the pulpit from apostles or leaders, and others adopted by more orthodox Mormons.

1.         Polygamy is still doctrinal in heaven and included in LDS scripture.  See D&C 132

2.         Sports should not be played on Sunday

3.         TV or movies should not be viewed on Sunday (except Church or “happy” media)

4.         Children should not be allowed to play with friends on Sunday

5.         Working on Sunday is strictly discouraged and really only not looked down on if you’re an emergency response personnel, or other on-call emergency type jobs (doctors, police, firemen, nurses etc)

6.         Rated R movies should be strictly avoided

7.         10% of your gross income (tithing) needs to be paid to the bishop/church before you pay for any other financial obligations, bills, food or other purchases

8.         Coffee and tea are prohibited even though they aren’t specifically referenced by doctrine

9.         For some families, all caffeinated drinks and sodas are prohibited

10.       If you have dark skin and convert to Mormonism, your skin will begin to lighten/whiten

11.       You become a God/Goddess and are given powers to create your own worlds without number

12.       You should not be alone in a room or car with a member of the opposite sex to “avoid even the appearance of evil”

13.       Beer is prohibited even though it is scripturally allowed (D&C 89:17) “…and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain”  Beer was openly consumed in Utah by Mormons until Prohibition made it unpopular and the practice ceased.

14.       The Garden of Eden was in Missouri when Adam and Eve were kicked out

15.       All saints are to return to Missouri before the final arrival of Jesus for the Second Coming.  Some believe this exodus back to Missouri would be on foot.

16.       Two LDS Elders or Missionaries will stand and protect the city of Jerusalem during Armageddon, as spoken of in Revelations and D&C 77:15

17.       Native Americans are the descendants of the Lamanites spoken of in the Book of Mormon

18.       The LDS Temple marriage is considered superior to all other religious marriage ceremonies and must be obtained if you want to be with your spouse in the after life.  Not married in the temple?  Too bad, no spouse/partner in the after life.

19.       Love isn’t as strong between couples and families who are not LDS

20.       Follow the prophet or leaders even if you think they are wrong

21.       Criticism of prophets or leaders will lead you towards apostasy

22.       Don’t use Ouija boards, face cards or tarot cards.  They are of the devil.

23.       The US Constitution will hang by a thread and be saved by LDS Elders before the 2nd coming

24.       Women were discouraged from wearing pants up until the late ’60s or ’70s

25.       3 Nephites still rome the Earth from Christ’s visit to the America’s, blessed by Him to not experience death until his second coming

26.       The moon will literally turn to blood during second coming crisis

27.       Heavenly Mother/Goddess exists, but she/them are too sacred to discuss and cannot be worshiped or prayed to

28.       Only Mormon’s can go to the highest degree of heaven, which is why proxy ordinances are done in LDS temples for as many dead people as LDS Inc can get their hands on

29.       Kids or babies who die before reaching 8 years old are perfect and automatically get into heaven

30.       Missionaries can curse people by dusting their feet off as a witness to them rejecting the gospel

31.       Satan has power over the oceans, lakes and rivers which is why LDS Missionaries are not allowed to swim

32.       Satan can’t read your thoughts so praying silently can help keep some of your secrets from him

33.       Dating is strictly prohibited until you’re 16 and then only group dating is allowed or encouraged until you can marry after your mission or marry a return missionary

34.       Doctrinal polygamy gives the 1st wife authority to reject any prospects she doesn’t like.  This was never really practiced though.

35.       Women who fail to marry in the temple during their life will be assigned a worthy spouse in the hereafter and likely as a sister wife with a harem of women

36.       Black people bear the curse of Cain and were born black because they were less valiant in the pre-existence (pre-Earth life) and sat on the fence as to whether to follow Satan/Lucifer or Jesus

37.       Cremation will make being resurrected harder, having to recollect all of your atoms/molecules from where ever they were spread

38.       God the father is only one of millions or endless Gods who are all basically relatives, fathers, brothers, grand-gods and so forth to our own God.  If we’re worthy, we get to join the God club too.

39.       From the polygamy days, a man had to have at least 2 wives to get into the highest degree of heaven

40.       A woman’s purpose in heaven is solely to birth endless babies to populate the worlds created by their husbands.  Billions and billions of babies!

41.       Gestation is still 9 months in heaven

42.       You are better off dying trying to fend off a rapist than to survive as a victim of rape, your virginity forever stolen from you

43.       Temple garments or underwear will protect you from physical harm or the grasp of Satan

44.       Girls can only have one piercing in each ear.  No piercings allowed by boys/men.

45.       Tattoos are a big no-no and should never be allowed to defile your bodies.  If you have tattoos when you convert, you may be encouraged to pay for laser removal at your own expense.

46.       Flip-flops are not to be worn in the church building

47.       All forms of birth control (condoms, pills, etc) are discouraged and the couple should allow as many children into their home as God decides to send them

48.       The Earth was not created by God, but by Jesus and Michael/Adam as taught in the LDS Temple endowment ceremony

49.       Secret hand shakes, keywords and signs are provided in the Temple endowment as passwords and keys to get back into heaven, like a kids club where only those with the secret passwords can get in

50.       The church partners with Boy Scouts of America for the development of males but does not endorse nor partner with the Girl Scout programs or similar female development programs

51.       The Holy Ghost is threatened or turned away by bars, clubs and “dirty” places so will not protect you or guide you if you choose to enter such filthy places

52.       Mormon Garments must be worn day and night, only removed for sex, showering and some sporting activities

53.       Women must wear their bras and panties over their garments, as the garment should be the layer closest to the skin for maximum protection

54.       If you’re not a Mormon, or are unworthy without a temple recommend, you get excluded from the Temple wedding ceremony of loved ones, kids, siblings or best friends

55.       Mormon’s do feel there is something special about them, or that they are better than non-mormons.  Having the ultimate “truth” does that to people.

56.       Masturbation is a sexual sin/transgression and seen as cheating on your existing or future spouse

57.       Sexual transgression is a sin next to murder in God’s eyes

58.       Jesus atoned for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, not on the cross

59.       Jesus wasn’t born of a virgin.  God had natural sex with Mary to impregnate Jesus

60.       You can’t get into heaven without Joseph Smith’s permission

61.       You can visit loved ones in lower kingdoms, but you cannot visit higher kingdoms of heaven if you didn’t merit it yourself, though they can visit you (see D&C 76)

62.       You can tell the difference between a good angel, bad angel or resurrected being by their willingness or ability to shake your hand

63.       No rainbows shall appear during the year before Jesus’ second coming

64.       If you’ve had a sex change, you cannot ever hold any callings/jobs in the church and only get baptized at the express permission of the First Presidency/prophet

65.       Role playing games, like D&D, are also evil

66.       Dinosaur fossils are to test our faith, and likely came from matter left over from past destroyed planets that were used/recycled to create Earth

67.       When a prophet or leader errors, it was because he was acting as a man and not as a prophet.  There’s no indication until after the fact as to whether he was acting as one or the other, so you should always presume he’s acting as prophet until proven otherwise

68.       Free agency and choice is revered, but don’t make the wrong choice or we will judge, look down on and guilt you until you either stop making said wrong choices

69.       Once the prophet or brethren have spoken, the thinking has been done.  Don’t question it.

70.       When someone leaves the church, it is God’s way of separating the wheat (good mormons) from the chaff (bad, evil apostates)

71.       Jesus was supposed to come in the year 2000, that is until he didn’t

72.       God is a resurrected, extra terrestrial, exalted human male who lives on a planet near a star called Kolob.  See Book of Abraham, chapter 3 in Pearl of Great Price

73.       Even though Jesus had a beard, we aren’t allowed to have facial hair while attending the Lord’s University, BYU, and are discouraged or flat out not allowed to have facial hair in high up leadership positions, despite early leaders all having beards

74.       The LDS Temple questions somewhat encourage the shunning or disassociating with anyone who is anti, apostate, or against the church.  This may include family members, close relatives or best friends if they end up leaving the church.

75.       The “Inspired” Joseph Smith translation of the bible is more correct than the KJV

76.       Joseph Smith’s money digging and glass looking were actually God’s way of preparing him for his role as a prophet and revelator.

77.       Our dead relatives and angel friends can see us when we sin, and so even when alone, it is not safe to masturbate or do anything “bad”.

78.       The Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight, so all dates, sleepovers, or other activities by youth or single people need to end by midnight or else you won’t have protection or guidance against the temptations of the devil

79.       Hoard enough food, water and fuel to survive 3-12 months or more

80.       Women must wear modest clothing that extends to the floor while kneeling down (shorts, skirts etc) and that covers the shoulders and upper arms, no revealing of the midrift, no bikini swim suits, no tank tops, no spaghetti straps etc

81.       Satan’s real name in the Pre-existence is Lucifer, even though that name is only used once in the Old Testament

82.       The ancient Jews were the only people who would kill Christ and therefore the most wicked people in the universe

83.       So long as the US/America’s stay righteous, aka, primarily Christian and God fearing, they will not be attacked by foreign powers or enemies (stems from the tradition laid out in the Book of Mormon that righteousness equals protection from enemies by God etc).

84.       The Earth is a living entity that must also go through ordinances, death and exaltation.  The Flood of Noah was the Earth’s baptism.  The fire and burning at the 2nd coming will be the baptism by fire and immediately after, exaltation to a perfect sphere of glass

85.       The Earth was once in orbit around Kolob, but was expelled when Adam fell from the Garden of Eden.  It will again return to that orbit after the millennium.

86.       If you don’t make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom, you will be gender-less in the after life.  No sex or sex urges for you in the Terrestrial and Telestial kingdoms.

87.       When people leave the church and can’t leave it alone (despite being psychologically and emotionally damaged by it), it is called “kicking against the pricks”, and is fulfillment of prophesy.

88.       There are people living on the moon.  LINK They dress much like Quakers and they are tall, many standing seven feet tall or more.  One day we will send missionaries to teach them the gospel.  There are also people living on the sun. Journal of Discourses, Vol. 13, p. 217

89.       Brigham Young (2nd LDS prophet) taught that Adam was the literal God of the Earth and Earth’s family

90.       If you serve valiantly as a missionary, you’ll be blessed with a beautiful and righteous spouse when you return

91.       If you hold your right arm to the square and invoke the power of the priesthood, you can cast out devils, divert floods and lava flows, and baptize others

92.       Women covenant in the temple to “observe and  keep the law of the Lord and hearken unto the counsel of your husband as he hearkens unto the counsel of the Father”

93.       All covenant in the temple “to sacrifice all that we possess, even our own lives if necessary, in sustaining and defending the Kingdom of God”

94.       We covenant to “avoid all lightmindedness, loud laughter, evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed, the taking of the name of God in vain, and every other unholy and impure practice”

95.       More, we covenant in temples to “accept the Law of Consecration as contained in theDoctrine and Covenants, in that you do consecrate yourselves, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you, to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion”

96.       Garments represent the garment God/Jesus made and gave to Adam when he discovered his nakedness in the Garden of Eden

97.       Women are most valued when in the home, rearing children and taking care of domestic affairs (laundry, dishes, house cleaning, etc)

98.       In the temple marriage covenant/ceremony, women “give [themselves] to [their husband] to be his lawful and wedded wife” and men “receive her unto [himself] to be [his] lawful and wedded wife for time and all eternity”

99.       If a widow remarries a man for time only, and bears him children, those children will belong to her first and sealed husband in the eternities

100.     Before a woman can remarry in the temple for eternity, she must first get a temple sealing annulment, which can only come at the approval of the First Presidency, and will likely not be allowed if the first husband is deceased

101.     Women were at one point allowed to give blessings by the laying on of hands, but that practice was ended when they were found to be more successful at healing than the priesthood holding men

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