Why You Don’t Have The Right to Die?


No One Should Have The Right To Die Until God Is Done Toying With Them

By Amy Foster

Life is a sacred gift from God. He decided that we should be born and, when the time comes, He decides that we should pass on from this world. We should be grateful for whatever precious moments He gives us—and no one, not even the terminally ill, has the right to die until God is done toying with them.

It doesn’t matter how sick you are. You don’t get to die until God messes with you for a while first.

Who are we to tamper with God’s plan? Who are we to say that our suffering has become too unbearable to go on living when God—who’s just looking for a little amusement—has weeks, months, or even years of agony lined up for us? Seriously, what kind of person ends his life before God’s batted him around a bit? He made us. He deserves a little fun.

Thing is, it’s not up to us when we’ve had enough sickness. We don’t get to choose when we’d rather not exist with Huntington’s disease or a brain tumor. Oh, sure, we might feel ready to die, but for all we know, God has literally decades of chronic pain, dramatic weight fluctuations, and debilitating fatigue in store for us, mixed in with some occasional good days and maybe even some false hope for recovery—it’s up to Him how long He’d like to be entertained by our helpless struggles. You see, God wants to take us on a ride—a wild, scary ride that He probably really enjoys watching from above—before finishing us off, and we have no right to slam the brakes.

Let’s say you’re 50 and have cancer. You’re not entitled to just stop battling and die at a place and time of your choosing. Cancer is God’s playground! If you ended your life at 50, do you have any idea how many promising stages of remission and soul-crushing relapses God would miss out on? Sorry, but this is going to take as long as the Almighty wants it to take. But the good news is, He always gets bored sooner or later.

And once He’s done jerking you around, then you’ll get that death you want so much.

You may think you’ve had enough of this world, that there’s no reason to go on anymore. But for all you know, God’s going to let you get better for a while so you can experience some more professional ups and downs and a disappointing second marriage before bringing you back around to your crippling illness years later. He may want to take you to the edge of bankruptcy a couple of times, or—who knows?—He might want you to struggle with someone else’s death. Maybe more than one person. I mean, this is why God made us to begin with.

Life can be hard. It can be painful. But that doesn’t change the fact that God created us and the world we walk on, and He gets to play with us for as long as He wants and until He’s tired of it. That may hurt to hear, but at least there’s one thing you can take comfort in.

It’ll all be over eventually.

Sarah Palin Joins The “Just Like Slavery” Teabernacle Choir


Sarah Palin Joins The “Just Like Slavery” Teabernacle Choir

Posted by Mark

When republican critics get tired of calling President Obama a Muslim or a socialist or a Kenyan or a homosexual or a tyrant or a mad genius or an idiot figurehead or a Black Panther or a Wall Street lackey or lizard overseer, they generally just resort to comparing him to Adolf Hitler. However, lately a new unfounded and irrational insult has been working its way up the charts of the conservative hitlist, and has-been, half-term governor Sarah Palin is the latest to give it her rendition.

Palin: When that note comes due … and this isn’t racist … but it’s going to be like slavery when that note is due. We are going to be beholden to a foreign master.

Sarah Palin Palin was referring to the national debt, which she seems to believe is at risk of being sent to the International Collections and Captivity Corporation for redemption. While it was thoughtful of her to remind us that associating her remarks about the first African-American president with the historical scab of slavery isn’t racist, she nevertheless fails to grasp the intricacies of economics. But she does align herself with a growing congregation of noxious Tea Partiers who think that anything President Obama does that they don’t like is just like slavery. For instance…

  • Rush Limbaugh: Well over 50% of the American people don’t want [Obamacare]. And the Republicans are like ‘well we can’t do anything about it. The law’s the law, It’s the law of the land.’ Well, so was slavery one time, the law of the land.
  • Dr. Ben Carson: Obamacare is “the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. […] In a way, it is slavery, because it is making all of us subservient to the government.
  • Sen. Rand Paul: Basically, once you imply a belief in a right to someone’s services — do you have a right to plumbing? Do you have a right to water? Do you have right to food? You’re basically saying you believe in slavery.
  • VA Atty Genl Ken Cuccinelli: “The founders knew how bad [slavery] was. We have other things in this country today and abortion is one of them.
  • Former Rep. Allen West: He does not want you to have the self-esteem of getting up and earning, and having that title of American. He’d rather you be his slave.
  • NH Rep. Bill O’Brien: And what is Obamacare? It is a law as destructive to personal and individual liberty as the Fugitive Slave Act.

Is this trend of comparing Obama’s agenda to slavery better than comparing him to Hitler? It’s a tough call. But many on the right may not mean it as an insult. There are some prominent conservatives who have publicly expressed their opinion that slavery was actually a pretty good thing. So perhaps this is just Palin’s way of complementing Obama.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children


God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

    The Almighty Father regrets spending so much time away from His children doing His work.

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His children.

In a frank conversation with reporters, God said it’s not hard to see that all 7 billion of His children are “pretty screwed up” and that many of them are hopelessly maladjusted and unfit to live healthy, normal lives.

“I love my sons and daughters equally, but was I present as much as I could have been? Probably not,” said the Divine Creator, pointing to the human race’s emotional volatility, existential angst, and lack of any real direction as evidence of His failure. “Ever since I molded them in my image, I’ve tried to do right by them. I really have. But they’re just so dysfunctional that I’m starting to wonder if I’m to blame.”

God claimed that though He always made sure to provide His children with food, water, air to breathe, and an earth to live on, He was starting to realize that material things weren’t nearly enough. In addition, while God repeatedly said He loved his children, the Lord our Maker admitted He could have said it more often.

Moreover, God told reporters He was also beginning to regret His hands-off approach, saying that giving His children complete free will was probably a mistake.

“I always thought that if I let them stray from the path of righteousness and goodwill, they’d learn how to get back on their own,” the Eternal One said. “But maybe that was just laziness on my part. The truth is, I was so busy ruling the universe and controlling Heaven and Earth that there were times when I was basically invisible to my children. I know that now.”

“No wonder they are running around breaking every single commandment I gave them,” He continued. “They needed an Almighty Ruler who was really there for them, not some deadbeat Heavenly Father who would just appear in a divine vision from time to time and split.”

The Author of Our Eternal Salvation added that He had passed down a number of bad habits He was starting to see in His children, particularly a shared inclination for senseless destruction and unpredictable, violent outbursts.

“I haven’t been the best example at times,” said God, admitting that His propensity for flooding, disease, and famine have “screwed with [His children’s] heads” for centuries. “I’ve put my sons and daughters through some pretty traumatic events, especially recently, and that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes them act out in the first place. I mean, they see me destroy Indonesia with a tsunami or kill 6 million of my own children in Europe, and what do you think that does to them?”

“Probably fucks them up pretty good is what,” He added.

While God admitted He had made many mistakes in their upbringing that would no doubt leave them permanently scarred, the Supreme Being told reporters He wasn’t yet ready to give up on His flock.

“The fact is, my children only have one God, and it’s my responsibility to make sure they shape up and reach their full potential,” The Eternal One said. “Then again, a lot of them are so beyond screwed up at this point that there’s probably nothing I can do for them.”

Moses vs Santa Claus (for those who are yet to see it) and other hilarities


Moses vs Santa Claus (for those who are yet to see it) and other hilarities

No intro needed. Just pretty funny!

 

And while you’re here, this is sheer genius:

 

And more genius (Jesus as a racist):

 

And Charlie Brooker on the Pope resigning:

 

And finally, this is sheer brilliance (if you are easily offended by swearing, stay clear):

 

 

– See more at: http://skepticink.com/tippling/2013/02/28/moses-vs-santa-claus-for-those-who-are-yet-to-see-it/#sthash.vAV5m0vB.dpuf

If You’ve Never Heard of Anthony Jeselnik


Now you have!

Anthony Jeselnik on Jim norton down and dirty on HBO

The whole thing is a gem, but note from 4:28 (Source: youtube.com)

Watch his new show “The Jeselnik Offensive!”

Obama Murders George W. Bush’s Dog In Cold Blood


Obama Murders George W. Bush’s Dog In Cold Blood

 Author:  Bruce Myron Danus Bruce Myron Danus

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Today, Flags will be flown at half-mast. It is a day that will live in infamy. Horrible crimes have been commited all across America, yet none stands out more clearly than the fact that our “President” is a cold-blooded murderer.

1359842728_8498_barney

That’s right, “President” Barrack Obama has gone into a tribal rage and murdered Barney Bush, the beloved former First Dog. The picture above clearly shows Obama going into his crazy Sub-Saharan Tribal hunting rage and murdering Barney, fortunately, the Secret Service was able to rescue Barney away from Obama before he turned that poor animal into a meal fit for a Kenyan because we all know that Obama has eaten many dogs in the past. You can not deny photographic proof.

While this is possibly the most tragic event to have happened since the Chinese bombed Pearl Harbor, it does have a happy side to it. “President” Obama is currently working on banning all guns from the law-abiding citizens of America, allowing only illegal Mexicans and sin-skinned gang bangers/cracked coke cane and marijuanas dealers to own them. Now, however, we have proof that guns are only a problem when they are operated by the darker sub-species of humanity. Now we need to petition the Senate to ban all non-whites from owning anything that can be used as a weapon. If even the “President” of our great Country can’t control his tribal rage, and will murder an innocent creature in cold-blood, we must protect ourselves against this threat.

Senator August Weisz has already added a bill in the Idaho State Senate to ban non-Whites from owning weapons and putting ridiculously large wheels on any vehicle not made for off-roading. The rest of the Nation needs to follow his lead, or this Great Country will fall. This is the thanks that we get for bringing these types to America, giving them jobs and a place to live, and taking them from the jungles where they had to fear for their lives at every moment due to lion attacks. I guess the old saying is true, “You can take the tribal types from the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the tribal types”.

We must work together to end this senseless violence and pass this new law. Join with me to ban all Non-Whites from owning weapons. This should actually be a Worldwide law, but we will need to start with America, because the rest of the World follows our lead.

God bless you all, and have a safe day.

Barack-Obama-Shooting

Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene!


Gay scientists isolate gene for Christianity

We may soon have the tools to treat this condition that seems to inexplicably make some people Christians!

GOD HATES FALAFEL | Michele Bachmann ‘We Must Ban Falafel’ in School Lunches


Bachmann: ‘We Must Ban Falafel’ in School Lunches

Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann courted controversy today by claiming that falafel and other “jihadi foods” should be banned from school lunches in the United States.

In an interview with local television station KSTP in Minneapolis, Bachmann explained that after visiting a local elementary school she was shocked to find that falafel – a fried vegetable patty popular in the Arab world – was being served as a option on the vegetarian menu.

Ostensibly in the studio to discuss her close race for reelection against Democratic challenger Jim Graves, Bachmann instead used the time to appeal for a nationwide movement against Arab cuisine.

Startled by the parochial nature of her statements, KSTP anchor Chris Johnson felt obliged to challenge her reasoning:

“I have to ask Ms. Bachmann, why is that a problem? I mean some children like the taste of falafel, what’s wrong with that?”

“Chris, falafel is a gateway food,” responded Bachmann, “It starts with falafel, then the kids move on to shawarma. After a while they say ‘hey this tastes good, I wonder what else comes from Arabia?’ ”

“Before you know it our children are listening to Muslim music, reading the Koran, and plotting attacks against the homeland.”

“We need to stop these terror cakes now, before they infiltrate any further.”

God Hates Chick Peas

Bachmann stopped short of advocating a ban on all Arab food, saying that  “responsible adults can probably use Arab food safely in moderation.”

However, she made clear that she was frightened by the pace at which the cuisine has permeated the U.S.:

“I have a friend in Texas who has to homeschool her children because her local public school forces students to eat hummus. Its everywhere now. This is really scary stuff.”

Bachmann then intimated that the widespread use of Arab foods in American schools could be the sign of a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top:

“I have no proof that President Obama is forcing our children to eat Arab and Middle Eastern food. But it would certainly fit the pattern.”

Bachmann has a history of controversial statements regarding Islam and the role of Muslims in America.

She says her first priority upon returning to congress will be to introduce a bill protecting America’s children from the dangers of Muslim cooking:

“We must ban falafel and other jihadi foods in schools before its too late.”

[Um.. yes, it’s TIC!]

http://dailycurrant.com/2012/09/28/bachmann-we-ban-falafel-school-lunches/

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