Kinky Bible | God Gives Moses a Flash of His Behind

Posted: November 14, 2014 in Ass, God's Ass
Tags: , , ,

Moses & God’s Ass

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a story in the Old Testament that many of you know involving Moses and God’s ass. It’s never quite presented like that in church, but that seems to be what it’s about.

In Exodus 33, Moses is chatting with God “face to face, as one speaks to a friend” (v. 11) and he gets the great idea to ask God:

“Show me your glory, I pray.”

Kinky. But God isn’t quite into that, and says:

“You cannot see my face; for no one shall see me and live.”

Which wasn’t quite what Moses asked, but God wanted to make a scary point to his BFF.

A few verses before said Moses talked “face to face” with God, but now God says Moses can’t see his face. God should either make up his mind or those scribes should have reconsidered using “face to face,” because it’s a bit inconsistent.

Regardless, God continues (this time in good old KJV):

“Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by , that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by : And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.”

There you have it, folks. Even if you’re God’s friend, you can’t see his face, but you can see his ass. Now if someone could just find it, we’d finally have some evidence for God’s existence.

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