by the Mormon Zombie
101 Nonpublic or Weird Beliefs of Mormons

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This post is less about what the LDS church teaches publicly or in writing, and more about what is often not publicly admitted to, whether still believed or not, and about some of the crazier things Mormons come to believe when embedded in Mormon culture.  Though not categorized, some of these are doctrinal, others hearsay over the pulpit from apostles or leaders, and others adopted by more orthodox Mormons.

1.         Polygamy is still doctrinal in heaven and included in LDS scripture.  See D&C 132

2.         Sports should not be played on Sunday

3.         TV or movies should not be viewed on Sunday (except Church or “happy” media)

4.         Children should not be allowed to play with friends on Sunday

5.         Working on Sunday is strictly discouraged and really only not looked down on if you’re an emergency response personnel, or other on-call emergency type jobs (doctors, police, firemen, nurses etc)

6.         Rated R movies should be strictly avoided

7.         10% of your gross income (tithing) needs to be paid to the bishop/church before you pay for any other financial obligations, bills, food or other purchases

8.         Coffee and tea are prohibited even though they aren’t specifically referenced by doctrine

9.         For some families, all caffeinated drinks and sodas are prohibited

10.       If you have dark skin and convert to Mormonism, your skin will begin to lighten/whiten

11.       You become a God/Goddess and are given powers to create your own worlds without number

12.       You should not be alone in a room or car with a member of the opposite sex to “avoid even the appearance of evil”

13.       Beer is prohibited even though it is scripturally allowed (D&C 89:17) “…and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain”  Beer was openly consumed in Utah by Mormons until Prohibition made it unpopular and the practice ceased.

14.       The Garden of Eden was in Missouri when Adam and Eve were kicked out

15.       All saints are to return to Missouri before the final arrival of Jesus for the Second Coming.  Some believe this exodus back to Missouri would be on foot.

16.       Two LDS Elders or Missionaries will stand and protect the city of Jerusalem during Armageddon, as spoken of in Revelations and D&C 77:15

17.       Native Americans are the descendants of the Lamanites spoken of in the Book of Mormon

18.       The LDS Temple marriage is considered superior to all other religious marriage ceremonies and must be obtained if you want to be with your spouse in the after life.  Not married in the temple?  Too bad, no spouse/partner in the after life.

19.       Love isn’t as strong between couples and families who are not LDS

20.       Follow the prophet or leaders even if you think they are wrong

21.       Criticism of prophets or leaders will lead you towards apostasy

22.       Don’t use Ouija boards, face cards or tarot cards.  They are of the devil.

23.       The US Constitution will hang by a thread and be saved by LDS Elders before the 2nd coming

24.       Women were discouraged from wearing pants up until the late ’60s or ’70s

25.       3 Nephites still rome the Earth from Christ’s visit to the America’s, blessed by Him to not experience death until his second coming

26.       The moon will literally turn to blood during second coming crisis

27.       Heavenly Mother/Goddess exists, but she/them are too sacred to discuss and cannot be worshiped or prayed to

28.       Only Mormon’s can go to the highest degree of heaven, which is why proxy ordinances are done in LDS temples for as many dead people as LDS Inc can get their hands on

29.       Kids or babies who die before reaching 8 years old are perfect and automatically get into heaven

30.       Missionaries can curse people by dusting their feet off as a witness to them rejecting the gospel

31.       Satan has power over the oceans, lakes and rivers which is why LDS Missionaries are not allowed to swim

32.       Satan can’t read your thoughts so praying silently can help keep some of your secrets from him

33.       Dating is strictly prohibited until you’re 16 and then only group dating is allowed or encouraged until you can marry after your mission or marry a return missionary

34.       Doctrinal polygamy gives the 1st wife authority to reject any prospects she doesn’t like.  This was never really practiced though.

35.       Women who fail to marry in the temple during their life will be assigned a worthy spouse in the hereafter and likely as a sister wife with a harem of women

36.       Black people bear the curse of Cain and were born black because they were less valiant in the pre-existence (pre-Earth life) and sat on the fence as to whether to follow Satan/Lucifer or Jesus

37.       Cremation will make being resurrected harder, having to recollect all of your atoms/molecules from where ever they were spread

38.       God the father is only one of millions or endless Gods who are all basically relatives, fathers, brothers, grand-gods and so forth to our own God.  If we’re worthy, we get to join the God club too.

39.       From the polygamy days, a man had to have at least 2 wives to get into the highest degree of heaven

40.       A woman’s purpose in heaven is solely to birth endless babies to populate the worlds created by their husbands.  Billions and billions of babies!

41.       Gestation is still 9 months in heaven

42.       You are better off dying trying to fend off a rapist than to survive as a victim of rape, your virginity forever stolen from you

43.       Temple garments or underwear will protect you from physical harm or the grasp of Satan

44.       Girls can only have one piercing in each ear.  No piercings allowed by boys/men.

45.       Tattoos are a big no-no and should never be allowed to defile your bodies.  If you have tattoos when you convert, you may be encouraged to pay for laser removal at your own expense.

46.       Flip-flops are not to be worn in the church building

47.       All forms of birth control (condoms, pills, etc) are discouraged and the couple should allow as many children into their home as God decides to send them

48.       The Earth was not created by God, but by Jesus and Michael/Adam as taught in the LDS Temple endowment ceremony

49.       Secret hand shakes, keywords and signs are provided in the Temple endowment as passwords and keys to get back into heaven, like a kids club where only those with the secret passwords can get in

50.       The church partners with Boy Scouts of America for the development of males but does not endorse nor partner with the Girl Scout programs or similar female development programs

51.       The Holy Ghost is threatened or turned away by bars, clubs and “dirty” places so will not protect you or guide you if you choose to enter such filthy places

52.       Mormon Garments must be worn day and night, only removed for sex, showering and some sporting activities

53.       Women must wear their bras and panties over their garments, as the garment should be the layer closest to the skin for maximum protection

54.       If you’re not a Mormon, or are unworthy without a temple recommend, you get excluded from the Temple wedding ceremony of loved ones, kids, siblings or best friends

55.       Mormon’s do feel there is something special about them, or that they are better than non-mormons.  Having the ultimate “truth” does that to people.

56.       Masturbation is a sexual sin/transgression and seen as cheating on your existing or future spouse

57.       Sexual transgression is a sin next to murder in God’s eyes

58.       Jesus atoned for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane, not on the cross

59.       Jesus wasn’t born of a virgin.  God had natural sex with Mary to impregnate Jesus

60.       You can’t get into heaven without Joseph Smith’s permission

61.       You can visit loved ones in lower kingdoms, but you cannot visit higher kingdoms of heaven if you didn’t merit it yourself, though they can visit you (see D&C 76)

62.       You can tell the difference between a good angel, bad angel or resurrected being by their willingness or ability to shake your hand

63.       No rainbows shall appear during the year before Jesus’ second coming

64.       If you’ve had a sex change, you cannot ever hold any callings/jobs in the church and only get baptized at the express permission of the First Presidency/prophet

65.       Role playing games, like D&D, are also evil

66.       Dinosaur fossils are to test our faith, and likely came from matter left over from past destroyed planets that were used/recycled to create Earth

67.       When a prophet or leader errors, it was because he was acting as a man and not as a prophet.  There’s no indication until after the fact as to whether he was acting as one or the other, so you should always presume he’s acting as prophet until proven otherwise

68.       Free agency and choice is revered, but don’t make the wrong choice or we will judge, look down on and guilt you until you either stop making said wrong choices

69.       Once the prophet or brethren have spoken, the thinking has been done.  Don’t question it.

70.       When someone leaves the church, it is God’s way of separating the wheat (good mormons) from the chaff (bad, evil apostates)

71.       Jesus was supposed to come in the year 2000, that is until he didn’t

72.       God is a resurrected, extra terrestrial, exalted human male who lives on a planet near a star called Kolob.  See Book of Abraham, chapter 3 in Pearl of Great Price

73.       Even though Jesus had a beard, we aren’t allowed to have facial hair while attending the Lord’s University, BYU, and are discouraged or flat out not allowed to have facial hair in high up leadership positions, despite early leaders all having beards

74.       The LDS Temple questions somewhat encourage the shunning or disassociating with anyone who is anti, apostate, or against the church.  This may include family members, close relatives or best friends if they end up leaving the church.

75.       The “Inspired” Joseph Smith translation of the bible is more correct than the KJV

76.       Joseph Smith’s money digging and glass looking were actually God’s way of preparing him for his role as a prophet and revelator.

77.       Our dead relatives and angel friends can see us when we sin, and so even when alone, it is not safe to masturbate or do anything “bad”.

78.       The Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight, so all dates, sleepovers, or other activities by youth or single people need to end by midnight or else you won’t have protection or guidance against the temptations of the devil

79.       Hoard enough food, water and fuel to survive 3-12 months or more

80.       Women must wear modest clothing that extends to the floor while kneeling down (shorts, skirts etc) and that covers the shoulders and upper arms, no revealing of the midrift, no bikini swim suits, no tank tops, no spaghetti straps etc

81.       Satan’s real name in the Pre-existence is Lucifer, even though that name is only used once in the Old Testament

82.       The ancient Jews were the only people who would kill Christ and therefore the most wicked people in the universe

83.       So long as the US/America’s stay righteous, aka, primarily Christian and God fearing, they will not be attacked by foreign powers or enemies (stems from the tradition laid out in the Book of Mormon that righteousness equals protection from enemies by God etc).

84.       The Earth is a living entity that must also go through ordinances, death and exaltation.  The Flood of Noah was the Earth’s baptism.  The fire and burning at the 2nd coming will be the baptism by fire and immediately after, exaltation to a perfect sphere of glass

85.       The Earth was once in orbit around Kolob, but was expelled when Adam fell from the Garden of Eden.  It will again return to that orbit after the millennium.

86.       If you don’t make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom, you will be gender-less in the after life.  No sex or sex urges for you in the Terrestrial and Telestial kingdoms.

87.       When people leave the church and can’t leave it alone (despite being psychologically and emotionally damaged by it), it is called “kicking against the pricks”, and is fulfillment of prophesy.

88.       There are people living on the moon.  LINK They dress much like Quakers and they are tall, many standing seven feet tall or more.  One day we will send missionaries to teach them the gospel.  There are also people living on the sun. Journal of Discourses, Vol. 13, p. 217

89.       Brigham Young (2nd LDS prophet) taught that Adam was the literal God of the Earth and Earth’s family

90.       If you serve valiantly as a missionary, you’ll be blessed with a beautiful and righteous spouse when you return

91.       If you hold your right arm to the square and invoke the power of the priesthood, you can cast out devils, divert floods and lava flows, and baptize others

92.       Women covenant in the temple to “observe and  keep the law of the Lord and hearken unto the counsel of your husband as he hearkens unto the counsel of the Father”

93.       All covenant in the temple “to sacrifice all that we possess, even our own lives if necessary, in sustaining and defending the Kingdom of God”

94.       We covenant to “avoid all lightmindedness, loud laughter, evil speaking of the Lord’s anointed, the taking of the name of God in vain, and every other unholy and impure practice”

95.       More, we covenant in temples to “accept the Law of Consecration as contained in theDoctrine and Covenants, in that you do consecrate yourselves, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you, to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion”

96.       Garments represent the garment God/Jesus made and gave to Adam when he discovered his nakedness in the Garden of Eden

97.       Women are most valued when in the home, rearing children and taking care of domestic affairs (laundry, dishes, house cleaning, etc)

98.       In the temple marriage covenant/ceremony, women “give [themselves] to [their husband] to be his lawful and wedded wife” and men “receive her unto [himself] to be [his] lawful and wedded wife for time and all eternity”

99.       If a widow remarries a man for time only, and bears him children, those children will belong to her first and sealed husband in the eternities

100.     Before a woman can remarry in the temple for eternity, she must first get a temple sealing annulment, which can only come at the approval of the First Presidency, and will likely not be allowed if the first husband is deceased

101.     Women were at one point allowed to give blessings by the laying on of hands, but that practice was ended when they were found to be more successful at healing than the priesthood holding men

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Comments
  1. […] 101 Insane, Crazy and Secretive Beliefs of Mormons (theageofblasphemy.wordpress.com) Share this:PrintEmailFacebookTwitterDiggRedditTumblrLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. […]

    • Dee says:

      I just have to comment on weird s… Mormons are capable of doing to family members. Just recently a man died and his dad who is not mormom was treated with so much disrespect. The dads daughters told the funeral home that the deceased man had no father. It was the most distasteful funeral I have ever seen. If your not Mormon your not welcome. I can’t believe how money grubbing a Mormon can be. I feel so sorry for the mormon cult members and yes it is a cult not a religion.

      • Lin says:

        When I was a teenager, I dated a boy who belonged to a reformed version of the Morman church and one time I went with a group of them to an actual Mormon church. He must not have told anyone I am Lutheran. After arriving at the Mormon temple, we watched a film where all other religions were criticized and it was emphasized that the only true religion is the Mormon religion. Even at age 17, I was appalled. After the film, I went to the restroom, and a Mormon woman was in there washing her hands. She asked me if I was with the reformed Mormon group, and I said, yes, but I am not Mormon, I am Lutheran. She got furious, said I was not supposed to be there and should not have seen that film. She stormed out of the bathroom. I don’t know if anyone ever got in trouble for that, but I never went with the reformed group anywhere else. I talked to my now ex-boyfriend several years ago about that incident, but he claims he doesn’t remember the incident. I don’t believe him, I can tell you that.

  2. […] 101 Insane, Crazy and Secretive Beliefs of Mormons (theageofblasphemy.wordpress.com) […]

  3. […] 101 Insane, Crazy and Secretive Beliefs of Mormons (theageofblasphemy.wordpress.com) […]

  4. […] 101 Insane, Crazy and Secretive Beliefs of Mormons […]

  5. Seer says:

    Any Mormon that reads this and says that it’s not true, to self or others, don’t kid yourself. Before you open your ignorant, self-righteous mouths to defend Joseph Myth and his tall tales, do a little research, you entitled piece of shit.

    • This person did do their research you retarded fuck. This is all in the Mormon bible, all of it because I have actually read it. It was sexist, racist, and a bit hilarious because these people believed that this con-artist was an actual prophet. It’s hard to believe that anyone could be that stupid, especially a whole town. You must be another butt-hurt Mormon that can’t stand the world shitting on you anymore because of your sexist racist beliefs. I’m sorry Missouri stopped exterminating you bigoted assholes.

  6. Reblogged this on The Age of Blasphemy and commented:

    One of our more popular articles; seems like a real curiousity / need out there!

  7. Beau says:

    All of this is true. I know I’m Native American.

  8. jo schmoe says:

    Moronmons, it is time to return to Missouri, we want Utah back.

    ….. sorry Missouri

  9. shawn says:

    Thank you for doing your part to educate the world of what a disgusting fraud the mormon cult is. It is heartbreaking to see loved ones engage in the regressive garbage that is mormonism.

  10. Claudia says:

    I was raised in a neighborhood where there were many member of LDS. I had great respect as a child for the Bishop who went on to become President. He seemed to be a wonderful man. I cannot disrespect anyone’s beliefs by making an unkind or judgmental comment about things that I do not believe, but some of this stuff is so unrealistic that it makes me wonder how anyone can believe it.

  11. I am truly thankful to the owner of this web page who has
    shared this enormous piece of writing at at this time.

  12. All religions are crap.

  13. Stankenton says:

    Mormoons have GOT to be the stupidest, low IQ people on earth. Your “religion” came from Joe Smith who joined the Masons and copied ALL of their rituals. ALL of them.

  14. St. Louis, MO says:

    Wow. I’ve been reading and studying the Holy Bible for years, which itself claims that it is “beneficial for teaching, reproving, and setting things straight”… I can say some of this does, but a lot of this DOES NOT AGREE with what THE BIBLE actually says…..

  15. tahoama says:

    such crap… dude really? Guys, apparently i believe that black people skin will turn white when they convert? c’mon, and you think we’re stupid with low IQ’s? Says someone who believes that we actually believe that? I mean what bugs me the most is people saying “any mormon who says this isn’t true is wrong.” ?????? Like.. bud, I’ve been mormon my entire life where I have recieved doctrine we actually believe, whereas you take crap spewed from the writer, as truth. I mean wether you like us or not you’ve GOT to be smart enough to know a good portion of this is SO UNTRUE. Infact i haven’t taken the time to read all of this so it might all be untrue. I mean the holy ghost goes to bed at midnight so if you have a sleepover that goes past midnightyou will get no protection……… honey, it’s a saying that clearly isn’t meant literally!!!! But i mean i can’t blame you, you’re clearly not super educated on the subject of mormonism. it’s a way to remind young teens that a curfew is important and to make sure you’re hanging out with good poeple because sometimes when it’s late at night kids can start acting crazy. It’s good to remember the holy ghost wants you to make right choices when you’re possibly around other influences. Wow, it’s interesting how an author can just blow everything out of porportion. And everyone will just believe it. as i stated wether you like mormons or not, you’ve got to know a lot of this is straight from the gutter. God bless!

    • The last time someone called me “honey” I was with my buddies at high class brothel, and she was a high class hooker.
      But you don’t sound very high class; and your e-mail name has two men amalgamated in it? Not sure how many tom ‘johns’ you’ve serviced, but you do have a bit of a dirty mouth, with all that name-calling and frothy verbiage.

      Still, Mormons are a pretty fucked-up bunch of unattractive, religious losers; and even the gaudy and haughty popes, dress more femininely, than Mormon females.

    • Javier says:

      A Jewish archaeologist digs 5 meters and finds a copper wire
      “This is a proof that our people had wired communications 1000 years ago” he says
      An Egyptian archaeologist digs 10 meters and finds a copper wire
      “This is a proof that our people had wired communications 2000 years ago” he says
      A Mormon archaeologist digs 5 meters, finds nothing. Digs to 10 meters and finds nothing. Digs to 20 meters and nothing. “This is a proof” he says “that Nephites had wireles communictions 2500 years ago

  16. S. James Nash says:

    Tahoama, the best and sadly ironic part of you post is in the last line: “Wow, it’s interesting how an author can just blow everything out of proportion. And everyone will just believe it….”

    And I would wholeheartedly agree.

    In fact, “interesting” is not a strong enough word. I find it MIND-BOGGLING that any old uneducated, maybe even morally corrupt, or even criminally convicted, individual can put something completely crazy on paper (and I’m talking….uh… BATSHIT crazy here), and other people will believe it.

    I’m reminded of….well….actually, now that you’ve put that out there, I’m reminded of a dude from upstate New York in the 19th century that made up a batshit crazy story called The Book of Mormon.

    Don’t look now, tahoama, but you’ve just made the best argument of the year for your opposition. Congratulations.

  17. John has says:

    I don’t know about the rules of dating ang some other material but the blacks turning white if they convert and the Book of Mormon to. Be the most accurate book in the universe and the inhabitants on the moon dressed as Quakers and 7 feet tall and inhabitants on the sun and the crazy things about marriage in the temple and the degrees of heaven and not drinking hot drinks or caffein and people not having a recommend and missing out on friends and loved ones wedding or that Adam is God and had sex. With mary. And conceived Jesus

  18. Ellen says:

    As an LDS member..you’re an idiot. There are so many that are not true now and we’re never true. You should do your research before you post something as moronic as this.

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